Last Night I Prayed to the Google Gods
For Your Eyes Only: This was taken from the PC of a recently retired internet marketer who is now living in sunny Hawaii. Please read on. It seems this is his “secret” technique on how to rank well on Google. Legend has it that after 4 months, he already made millions from Adsense. You just have to see it to believe. Prayer to the Google Gods is Power!
The Google God Prayer
Dear Google Gods, Hi Larry, Hi Sergey, Hi the rest of the Google Angels and Saints, special mention to Matt Cutts. I’m praying to you so I can get some blessing. You know, I just started doing this internet marketing thingy and I really hope to make money from your Adsense program. Ah, my friend told me I’m nuts. He’s had a blog for months and all he earn is, at most, 4 cents a day from your program.
But, you know, I don’t believe him. I just saw from an internet marketer’s email that I can get a 5 figure income from adsense just by following his program. He sounded so convincing so I think it’s probably true. Didn’t buy his ebook yet though as I’m waiting for someone to sell it on ebay or maybe I can get it free from a webmaster forum.
Are you still there? I’m a bit sleepy already but I do hope you are still listening to me. You see, I’m unemployed and I depend on my mother right now. I can’t get any job because all the jobs here where already outsource somewhere to China or India. I know that you earn billions of dollar a year so I thought I pray to you so I can get a few of your loose coins. I’m not asking for a lot. Just a quick bump on my ranking would do. If you can send a few hundred google searchers a day to my blogs, I would be very happy.
Oh, all-powerful and almighty Google Gods, please get me to the first page of the keywords I’m targetting. I’ve been told that I need to build backlinks, lots of them, but, it’s tiring. I thought maybe if I pray to you instead, I can get there faster since you are a God, right. I promise to pray to you every night except on Friday’s, as I go out with friends that night. I also will try to be a good Google follower. I promise I won’t do any black hat techniques, only white hat, maybe I’ll do a little bit of gray hat. I promise to praise you always whenever I talked with friends about search engines. I’ll also badmouth Yahoo and MSN, those puny little search engine wannabees. I’ll be devoted to you, Oh Google God. You’re my one and only search engine God. Please update your “mumbo-jumbo” ranking algorithm for this follower’s sake and send me herds of searchers. It should only be a minor code change on your part, nothing biggie,
“If search-keyword = [my keyword] then place [my site] on first page”.
Oh Google God, thank you for listening. I fervently hope you will answer my prayer. I’m really sleepy now. Got to sleep. Amen.
Warning: Not for the serious! Just another product of my sick sense of humor and hyper-caffeinated mind.
Enjoy!
[…] cool and yet just so weird. Is Google doing the dance at the moment? or did the Google Gods loved my Google Prayer article so much that they rewarded me with this page rank. Heck, you never know. Somebody there […]